dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
