I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
