I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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