I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
