I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
