im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
