Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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