we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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