she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
