just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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