found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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