Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
