i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
