this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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