I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
