I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need water and some morals
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
