just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize