I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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