finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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