no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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