Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
