somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
