Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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