1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
