Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
