member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
