What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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