He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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