Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i now understand why vodka
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
