totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
