I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
