I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
