She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
