I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
