great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
