oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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