people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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