Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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