i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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