On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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