On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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