it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
