Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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