So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
