is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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