You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would fuck him just for his dog
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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