Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
