Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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