you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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