she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
