those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
