Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
