Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Less talking, more tequila
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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